The Danger of Going It Alone

Reading Time: 3 minutes

When I reflect on my recent hospitalization and surgery, I keep going back to how long I waited to seek help. I figured out the problem on Monday, and still waited until Wednesday to go to the emergency room. This flies in the face of any advice I would give to one of my patients, but I kept thinking I could manage things on my own. 

The emergency room physician confirmed that I was correct on the diagnosis, but I had been incorrect on the severity. Chagrined, I confided to the nurse that I probably should have sought help on Monday. She smiled and said, “You’re a healthcare professional. Of course you waited too long.”

One of the issues with middle age is we feel like we should know more. We should be able to handle things on our own. But there are reasons why physicians are advised not to treat themselves or close family members: they are too close to the situation to be objective. And nowhere in Scripture does it say we reach a point of maturity where we can sidestep the accountability and help found in the body of believers. 

The Bible is full of examples of the problems that occur when we fly solo. David and Solomon both fell into sin in their later years. David committed adultery with Bathsheba and then murdered her husband as a cover up. Solomon took pagan wives and fell into idolatry. Both men had been successful, but they failed to follow their own advice. So how can we avoid this?

Be Humble

We may not be as wealthy and successful as David and Solomon, but the temptation to go it alone is still there. If we’ve been married for decades, we think that we don’t need help when we hit a rough spot. If we are at a loss on how to handle a situation with our young adult children, we think we can manage by ourselves (we survived the teen years, after all).

This, of course, is pride. We would counsel any younger woman in a tough situation to seek trusted counsel. Matthew 18:15–17 details the steps to take if someone sins against us. Only the first step is handled privately. We are told to bear each other’s burdens (Galatians 6:2), which is impossible to do when we don’t tell our burdens to others. For iron to sharpen iron (Proverbs 27:17), it has to actually touch the other iron. 

Be Deliberate

At the same time, I’ve noticed friendship is more difficult in this season. This is another thing I didn’t think would be true until I got here. After all, I am no longer bound by school schedules and the need to find babysitters. Gone, however, are the casual check-ins over play dates and sports practices. Cultivating friendship always takes effort. But the freedom I now have over my schedule means I can drift along indefinitely with no contact with my friends. I was once able to get three kids to activities in three different places at the same time. Why do I find it hard to text someone to set up a coffee date?

Be Transparent

When I had a similar surgery two years ago, I largely kept quiet.  I told myself that my husband and I could handle things. I told myself I didn’t want to put others out. My more recent surgery was not only more serious, but more surprising. I wanted help, and I wanted prayer. 

I was blessed by friends who became the hands and feet of Jesus. The Holy Spirit is certainly capable of spurring people to action without any words from us, but that is not normally how he works. We usually have to tell our brothers and sisters what is going on in our hearts and in our homes. 

God was gracious to me in my illness and recovery. Things were never as bad as they could have been. But throughout, I was keenly aware that if one or two things had gone differently, the outlook would have been very grave. 

As Christians, we will not get the final outcome we deserve. God sent his Son to die for us. He took our sin and the punishment we should receive. But the consequences of living in a fallen world are all around us. I needed medical professionals to help heal my physical body. And I need my church family to help heal my soul. We all need a little help from our friends.