My husband tells the story of hearing on the radio one Saturday that Bon Jovi was signing autographs at the local Kmart. It was 1985, and my husband was a 20-year-old college student. My husband says he thought to himself, Who would go to Kmart to see Bon Jovi?
It’s become a running joke in our house, and one of us will often say it whenever a Bon Jovi song comes on. Because less than two years later, as many of you know, Bon Jovi was arguably the biggest band in the country. And in 1987, as a fifteen-year-old, I attended my first concert and watched Bon Jovi headline to a sold-out crowd.
We see things differently, and our opinions often change. But there are three things that can shape our view of things: the passage of time, the perspective of others, and the influence of gender.
The Passage of Time
In 1985, Bon Jovi had only had one moderate hit, “Runaway.” So while them appearing at a Kmart in a small Illinois town seems absurd now, it was a reasonable radio promotion. I have seen interviews of Jon Bon Jovi where he has discussed his band’s rise to fame. It took time for them to gel as a band. It took time for them to grow as songwriters. And of course it took time for them to get noticed.
A lot of life is like that. We have the annoying coworker that eventually became a friend. Or the skill that felt so difficult that eventually became second nature. Problems that seemed insurmountable at the outset are now a distant memory. If things seem hard now, it is likely to improve with time.
The Perspective of Others
All of our mothers warned us not to follow the crowd. I’m sure we’ve all said it to our own kids. Blindly following what the world is doing is certainly something Scripture warns us against.
But we need other people in our lives. How often have I gone to a friend with a problem that felt so huge, only to feel better once I had put my problem into words? Sometimes our friends offer valuable advice. Often they just listen and encourage us. Either way, sharing our fears with others takes away so much of their power.
The Influence of Gender
I can’t say that my love of Bon Jovi ever came to the level of full-on celebrity crush, but I am certain that Jon Bon Jovi’s square jaw and big smile affected me differently than it did my husband.
I see the world differently than he does, and that goes far deeper than how we view the physical appearance of the opposite sex. We have different perspectives on everything from the best way to load the dishwasher to how to handle issues with our kids and our jobs.
In 32 years of marriage, we have each had seasons where our main job was to talk the other down from the ceiling. Or, in turn, to tell the other that this was actually more than a minor problem. We have each gained from the other’s perspective. I don’t like seeing gender stereotypes used to disparage either gender. But gender is, at the same time, inescapable. I can’t view the world any other way than as a female. That colors everything I see, and gives me insight my husband may not have. And vice versa.
We Need Time and Each Other
The Bon Jovi story is a silly example. But while it mostly entertains my husband and me, it also reminds us how time changes things, and our opinions change along with it.
We are finite, embodied souls. Unlike our infinite God, we can only experience life bound by chronology and our bodies. As Paul reminds us in 1 Corinthians 12, God has placed us in community and instructed us to remain in a body of believers. He did this because we need each other. We need the insight of others, of both genders, to help us see the world more clearly. And to help us ride out the problems until time makes it better.
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