The View from Titus 2

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I told her you were an experienced grandmother.

It came from our church nursery director as she was introducing me to a visitor dropping off her child. While technically true, it caught me off guard. I am a grandmother, and since two of my three grandchildren are school age, it’s not a new title. So if I’m not a novice, then I am experienced by process of elimination.

Being a grandmother—or nana, in my case—is a privilege, and it’s a title I love. But experienced grandmother makes me think of old women wearing lace collars and cameo broaches. Someone with authority and gravitas. An experienced grandmother should know what she’s doing, and most days I’m just making it up as I go.

We can’t speak of grandmothering without recalling Paul’s instruction in Titus 2:3-5

Likewise, teach the older women to be reverent in the way they live, not to be slanderers or addicted to much wine, but to teach what is good. Then they can urge the younger women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled and pure, to be busy at home, to be kind, and to be subject to their husbands, so that no one will malign the word of God.

That is a tall order, and I don’t know that I’m ready for it. Many of the older women I relied on as a young mom are in heaven now. Others have retired and moved closer to their children. I miss them dearly, and don’t think I can ever fill their shoes. But since my memory is (mostly) still intact, I can also recall a few things that discouraged me as a young mom. If I can’t match the wisdom of the mothers who helped me, I can at least attempt not to do some of the things that discouraged me.

Cynicism

It was so discouraging when I would recount a sweet moment with one of my kids and someone would pipe up with, “Oh, just wait until they’re teenagers.” I was never sure how that was supposed to be helpful. Should I not enjoy my preschooler because they’ll be a monster in ten years?

Of course, I get it now. Raising teenagers is not for the faint of heart. And while we do have some wonderful memories of our kids’ teen years, we also had some moments that were not so wonderful. But motherhood can be magical. We should celebrate those moments with young moms, not tear them down.

Nostalgia

This is cynicism in different clothes. When I was having a difficult time with my children or overwhelmed with exhaustion, someone would greet me with the news that I would miss this some day.

I miss a lot of things from when my kids were small. I miss their presence at the dinner table. I miss going to sleep at night knowing that they were all safe in their beds. I miss when a bandaid and a kiss would solve most of their problems.

I don’t miss the endless laundry. I don’t miss trying to figure out how to get three kids to three different sports practices at the same time. I don’t miss the time we had 27 straight days of swine flu.

I do wish I had treasured the good moments more. I wish I hadn’t wished my life away. But raising small children is physically exhausting, and no amount of nostalgia can negate that—especially when you’re in the thick of it. If a mother is overwhelmed, encourage her. Pray for her. If possible, help her.

Dismissiveness

A lot of those early years are a blur. I have three children with three very different personalities. We endured the potty training struggles and the food strikes. We had seasons where nobody seemed to sleep (especially me). One kid had night terrors and another threw some spectacular temper tantrums.

I now have three adults who are gainfully employed. They all eat their meals and sleep through the night (as long as my grandchildren don’t keep them up). So obviously, it all worked out in the end.

While the struggles seem smaller viewed from the distance of years, they are no less real. If a problem seems minor to me now, it’s only because it’s over. Sometimes the only answer to give is an honest one. “That season was hard. I tried lots of things and I’m still not sure what helped in the end. But God is faithful. He will guide you, and you will get through this season.”

God is Faithful

I don’t have the answers. I never did. I yelled too often and I worried to much. And those three points above? I am guilty of doing all three to younger moms that I know. It’s good that God’s grace still applies in these years, too. But I have a big God who has never let me down. The best answer I have is the one I gave above, and it still applies to me now.

That season was hard. I tried a lot of things and I’m not sure what helped in the end. But God is faithful. He will guide you, and you will get through this season.