When the Car Isn’t Cooperating
One day in high school, snow was falling as school started. It happened to be my drivers ed day. And because it was the 80s, when class time rolled around, we got out and drove with 1 to 2 inches of fresh snow on the ground.
I lived in town, but my driving partner was a boy who lived in the country. Driver’s ed for boys (and girls) who grew up on farms was largely a formality. Farm work provided plenty of opportunities for kids to drive vehicles of various kinds, usually starting about the time they could reach the pedals.
I was the first to drive, and I was struggling. The car seemed to have a mind of its own. My driver’s ed teacher, a kind man with unending patience, tried to talk me through it. I finally said in exasperation, “I think there’s something wrong with this car!”
After a few more blocks of struggle, it was my partner’s turn to drive. I watched from the backseat, dejected, as my partner expertly steered the car down the street. But after a couple of blocks, he turned to the teacher and said, “Staci is right. This car is idling too fast.”
I probably would have been fine if I drove that car today. And even back then, the car’s lurching and shaking wouldn’t have caused me problems if the streets were clear and dry. My more experienced partner handled it well on my town’s flat, straight streets, but he may have struggled on steep, curving roads.
The Temptation to Blame One Thing
When it comes to moods and emotions, we tend to find one thing to blame. Is it hormones? Am I hangry? Did I not get enough sleep last night? Do we need to just get a grip?
To continue the car metaphor (because I’ve never met a metaphor I didn’t like), you can go off the ditch on both sides of the road. The answer is typically all of the above. There are things, real things, that are going on in our bodies that affect our moods. But we can’t place all the blame on what’s going on in our bodies. We need to control our thoughts and our words as well.
I got in the back seat of the driver’s ed car feeling frustrated. Would I ever be able to drive on snow? It was such a relief to know that it was a problem with the car that made it more difficult than normal.
Responsibility Without Condemnation
We need to be aware of the way our physical bodies—whether they are hungry, tired, or hormonal—affect our emotions. We need to do our best to take care of our physical bodies, and we need to be aware that things are harder when we are not at our best. We need to repent when we respond in anger and impatience (whether it’s in our words, our exasperated sighs, or our eye rolls).
I am not aware of any formula for this. It is a lifelong process. We learn our personal strengths and weaknesses. We learn what not to do. We repent, and we receive grace.
I still don’t like to drive on snow, but I can do it. I still remember what it feels like to drive a car with a fast idle. I know that it’s not best to have hard conversations when I am hungry or tired. And I know that I am always in need of God’s forgiveness and grace.
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