Held by Christ When Your Hormones Hold You Hostage

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When You Don’t Feel Like Yourself

It was one of those mornings. My kids weren’t listening. My husband was irritable and curt. I couldn’t wait to get them all out the door and out of my hair. I was grateful for the peace once everyone left, but I dreaded the day ahead. I knew work would bring more impossible demands on my already-drained energy and emotions.

I had recently read an article about journaling as a way to process your feelings, so I opened a new document on my computer and poured out my heart. I wrote about my exhaustion and my inability to meet the demands of my life and family. Then I shut the computer and went on with my day, feeling somewhat better.

Another hard morning came, and I journaled again. Then another. It wasn’t until my third or fourth entry that I saw the pattern. These “hard mornings” were showing up every 28 days—classic signs of premenstrual syndrome.

I was shocked and amused. I probably laughed out loud. But I was also embarrassed. I had been sure the problem was them, not me.

It’s a strange feeling to realize that what felt so true may not be true after all. Was the incident at work that set me off a true injustice, or was I overreacting? It’s even worse when these questions come in the middle of the meltdown. We may realize that the incident does not deserve our anger, but like a wind up toy that has been set in motion, we have a hard time stopping ourselves before we are spent.

What does the gospel have to say about all this? Are we just crazy? Do we just need meds (or to go live in a tent by ourselves for a few days each month)?

The Emotional Weight of Hormonal Shifts

Medical science has some theories on the cause of premenstrual syndrome (and her evil sister premenstrual dysphoric disorder). We know it occurs during the luteal phase of the menstrual cycle, which is the time between ovulation and menstruation. We know that in the absence of pregnancy, estrogen and progesterone levels drop. It’s possible that this affects the body’s response to neurotransmitters like serotonin, but we have a lot to learn.¹

I believe understanding what is going on in our bodies—and the world around us—is important (Proverbs 25:2, Psalm 112:2). Regardless of the physiological cause, this interesting hormonal cocktail affects our moods, our thoughts, and perceptions. Some experience extreme fatigue. Others have headaches or bloating. For many it’s an emotional response like irritability or weepiness.

It’s hard to fix something when we don’t know who or what to blame. We don’t repent when we retain fluid, so should we repent from a PMS meltdown? Because we are embodied souls, what goes on inside our bodies affects how we feel. It’s not pleasant when it seems like our bodies are betraying us, but understanding the link between hormonal mood swings and our spiritual walk helps Christian women reframe these hard days with gospel hope.

When Hormones Tell Lies

These hormonal mood swings can trigger emotional lies that distort our identity as Christian women. We often feel trapped in a cycle of condemnation—not because we’ve sinned against God, but because we’ve “sinned” against the picture we’ve created of ourselves. Whether we see ourselves as the skilled employee, the wise friend, or the efficient mom, those images we cling to become wobbly and shatter. Sometimes the battle is in our mind. Sometimes we betray ourselves with our actions.

These tend to fall under two categories: being “too much” or “not enough.” You believe you’re too broken. Or, you can feel that you’re not able to care for your family well. In the example above, I was simultaneously believing that my family didn’t appreciate everything I did for them, but also that God was asking too much of me.

When Feelings Confuse Truth

One strategy is to separate our feelings from our response. There is value in this, but it’s not always that simple. If PMS already distorts what we see, how can we confidently judge whether a response is right? Is our anger the result of a true injustice, or are we overreacting? Did someone truly sin against us, or are we being critical? Should we repent for neglecting our responsibilities, or are we just physically exhausted?

The Bible often sets things that seem contradictory right next to each other. God is sovereign, but we are responsible for our sin. People can’t be saved without hearing the gospel, but they are also without excuse. PMS may not be a theological conundrum on the level of predestination or evangelism, but it still stirs spiritual confusion when we’re in the thick of it.

Paul reminds us in 1 Corinthians that we are not equipped to judge ourselves rightly:

I care very little if I am judged by you or by any human court; indeed, I do not even judge myself.My conscience is clear, but that does not make me innocent. It is the Lord who judges me. Therefore judge nothing before the appointed time; wait until the Lord comes. He will bring to light what is hidden in darkness and will expose the motives of the heart. At that time each will receive their praise from God. 1 Corinthians 4:3-4

I don’t know that we can say that our consciences are clear in these matters (mine never was). But the inability to know our true motives is hard to determine in the best of circumstances, let alone when our emotions are reeling.

We of course need to avoid the obvious extremes. We can’t wreak havoc in the lives of those we love, dust off our hands and say, “It’s just the PMS talking, so it’s not my fault!” Nor can we wallow in self-recrimination and declare that our emotional mess makes us unworthy of God’s love. But for most of us in the messy middle, we need to turn our focus onto what is true.

The Gentle Grip of Christ

Hormonal imbalance may shake us, but it cannot unseat the love of Christ. If PMS shatters our belief that we are capable and strong, we can run to the cross. If PMS tells us we are not loved by God or others, we can take that to the cross as well. We may feel as if our hormones are holding us hostage. The truth is that Jesus is holding us the entire time.

In the midst of the hormonal storm, there is a God who loves us. He understands our frailty. Our hormones may change, but God and his promises do not. The lies our bodies tell us during PMS—that we are unloved, not enough, too much, alone, and irreparably broken—meet their final answer in the Cross of Christ.

Our good savior loves us extravagantly. He will never abandon us. He took on our sin and rose again to redeem us, to fix what we can never repair. And when he comes again, we will shed our broken, imperfect bodies for a redeemed one. I have no idea what the biochemical similarities between our current bodies and our redeemed ones will be, but I know they won’t feature the hormonal tides that leave us reeling with negative emotions.

Gospel Anchors for the Hormonal Storm

Because faith and hormones intersect in the lives of Christian women, we need grace that meets us in both body and soul. We need to care for our physical bodies the best that we can. Get rest. Get outside. Eat nutritious food. Track your menstrual cycle so you can honor your body’s limitations and plan with grace where possible.

Besides the physical, you may need to steward your emotions with wisdom. Day 20 of your cycle may not be the best time to send an angry, late night email to your boss or wake up your husband to discuss the state of your marriage. If your perception is true, it will still be true in a few days, and you can address it then.

If PMS is significantly disrupting your life, seek help. Maybe there is something more going on in your body. Or, maybe you need to seek counseling for more intense help in controlling your emotions.

Speak truth to yourself (Isaiah 41:10), and let Scripture speak to you. And most of all, take your feelings and emotions to God in prayer. A Christian response to PMS doesn’t deny the physical struggle—it seeks to walk through it with wisdom and gospel truth.

You’re Not Held Hostage Anymore

Tim Keller has summed up the gospel by saying, “You are worse than you think you are, but also far more loved than you feel you are.” Remembering this won’t fix the bloating or the headaches, and it may not change your perceptions or emotions. But it will give you truth to cling to when everything else feels out of control. Christ achieved the perfect fix for our imperfect bodies on the cross. PMS is one of the ways our created bodies are groaning for that final redemption while we sit between the already and the not yet. PMS and emotions may shift like shadows, but God’s love remains steady.